jose, can you see?

yesterday i went to the opthamologist for my three-month follow up exam. both retinas are still attached, i'm happy to report. some of you may be amused to hear that the doctor caught me using her magnifying glass to examine a scratch on my hand, but this was definitely not the most entertaining part of my visit.

as per normal modus operandi, i was first called in by a nurse/assistant who asked me a bunch of questions; took my blood pressure; tried to engage me in a friendly chat; dropped liquid into my eyes, which proceeded to run down the back of my throat, so gross; and finally, took me back to the waiting room to let the dilation drops work their magic before the doctor saw me. if you've ever had your eyes dilated, you'll know that your vision gets blurry and you can't read anything, which is a bit of a bummer because i really wanted to read cataracts weekly and aarp the magazine. oh, didn't i mention? i was the only one under the age of sixty in the waiting room. i may not have been able to read but i could still see the lumps of carbon mass sitting about, many with eye patches. so not fair, by the way. i didn't get an eye patch after my surgeries. fortunately, the television mounted in the corner of the waiting room was blasting (loudly, i suppose, for the hearing-impaired elderly demographic) the view so i had the pleasure of listening to four women banter - and oh, how i wish i could describe it as intelligent or witty - for a good thirty-five painful minutes until i was called in to see the doctor. i had one blessed moment of comical relief when a commercial came on playing the isley's brothers' song, who's that lady? and a guy sitting a few seats away from me, maybe mid-forties, started mouthing the words - who's that lady? sexy lady! and kindof moving around like he was dancing - all while pretending to read his magazine. fortunately, i, too, was pretending to read a magazine even though my eyes were too dilated to see the words, so i was able to cover my face so he wouldn't see me laughing at him. if you guessed that he was wearing a gold chain necklace, you would be right.

i go back in six months. after that, i'll only have to see my regular eye doctor, no more opthamologist. i'm gonna miss that waiting room. old people greeting each other by name; men slumped over, sleeping in their chairs until their wives elbow them awake. 'honey, it's your turn!' 'what?' 'they called your name, wake up!!'; complaints about the free coffee running out. sigh.

who's that lady? sexy lady!