ten moving lessons

1. packing tape does not a good meal make. use one of those rolly things with the jagged metal teeth instead of your own.
2. make sure you've had a tetnus shot in the past ten years. dropping a rusty screwdriver on your toe does not feel good. or perhaps the lesson was to wear shoes while being handy.
3. counter-top wine racks do not fit nicely in to any box unless it's the only thing you put in there, in which case, you might as well not.
4. eggs and diet coke also do not a good meal make. there are other ways to use up/get rid of what's in the fridge.
5. charles barklay is a terrible snl host. ok, not a moving lesson, but true, none-the-less and i just finished watching it so the horror is still fresh.
6. commenting on your also-moving-in-neighbors' eeyore doll is only a good idea if those new neighbors are three-year-old girls. in the case of two strapping young lads, keep your mouth shut.
7. moving two miles is, in some ways, worse than moving two-thousand miles. profusely and repeatedly thank the people helping you make six trips, back and forth, especially if moving in and/or out of a multi-level building. and if they have a truck.
8. moving boxes of 'miscellaneous paper' is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea.
9. lots of not heavy stuff gets not not heavy when put in a box together.
10. look both ways before crossing the street.

silence of the goats

the men who stare at goats, a must-see movie. funny, cynical, outrageous, and unbelievably, true. i can't even tell you the plot, you'll just have to watch it and fall in love with it like i did. george clooney, jeff bridges, ewan mcgregor, and kevin spacey, so awesome.

road paint

as soon as the first thaw happened, sometime in march (?), the road construction crews came out en masse in madison. roads all over town were torn up, blocked, re-routed, orange-cone covered, drilled, dug. lane closures have ensured that traffic all summer has been nice and congested. as we head in to fall, many of the roads have been re-tarred and opened for business. for the last couple of weeks, many of the roads i take to work and campus have been re-opened, but not yet re-painted. no lines means, to most people, one large lane - very luxurious (seinfeld, anyone?). there are people, however, who are confident they know where the lines would be if they were there and make their own lanes. it's great because not having lines doesn't create enough chaos, we need those falsely confident people on the road too. oh, and have i mentioned the millions of bicyclists in madison? no lines, interpreted by a bicyclist, means the entire road is a bike lane (i'd like to take a moment to disabuse any reading bicyclist of this idea).

this week is paint-the-finished-roads week in madison; instead of orange cones, there are construction workers in the middle of the road. i've been told the workers are worth more points than the orange cones if you hit one. gone are my luxury lanes, back to being told in which ten feet of road i'm allowed to drive. it's kind of a relief and kind of a disappointment, all at the same time. there are still a couple of months left of road construction so the fun isn't over yet, but with the first frost, the construction ends, leaving us with nicely re-paved and re-painted roads to be covered by snow, ice, and slush. gotta love driving in madison!

baltimore - episode two

i am the future of prevention. that's what the head lady of the federal government organization said this morning as she opened the general session of the conference. she didn't say those exact words, but that was her message. i felt very important.

this afternoon, a guy i recognized from the conference walked into the women's restroom. fortunately, i was the only one who saw him and i pretended i didn't. haven't seen him since.

the elevators here at the hotel have a security mechanism that forces you to enter your room key card into a slot before it will allow you to stop on your floor. i'm pretty sure this security measure is to prevent hooligans from accessing guests rooms or kids from running around all wild and crazy-like. last night i wanted to visit a co-worker whose room is on the floor below mine. as the elevator would not cooperate, i had to think outside of the vertical transport box. the stairs! now, you might think that the secluded, windowless, concrete stairwell might be a better place for a security system than a glass elevator where occupants are visible to everyone in the lobby and on the mezzanine, but nope, nada, zip. hooligans, this way if you please.

my co-worker and i went to a lovely restaurant for dinner in downtown baltimore. it's a good thing we make each other laugh because the service was lousy and the food was bland. but the restaurant did provide a complementary shuttle to and from the hotel so we didn't have to walk in the hot, sticky, don't-want-to-touch-yourself, sweat-with-no-exertion, evening weather. speaking of...

it's 6:15 pm and 90 degrees outside. according to the weather channel, it's 90 degrees but 'feels like' 103. how does that work? what kind of guage is used to determine what it 'feels like'? is there a formula involved? if it's a 'feeling', how can there be a standardized objective measurement instrument involved? do they send several people outside, ask them what the temperature 'feels like', and then average their responses? that's neither standardized nor objective. i'm not sure about this touchy-feely weather business, i believe further exploration is required.

i had dinner tonight with the same co-worker as last night. i've made her facebook status two days in a row. i'm pretty sure that makes us besties. move over miley.

baltimore - episode one

i'm being sent to baltimore, maryland by my funder/employer as the evaluator and representative of the south dakota grant-equivalent of what i work on for wisconsin. got that? in real life, i evaluate a federally-funded grant for wisconsin. for the conference, i'm representing the south dakota evaluator on the same grant (minus a few thousand details that are even more boring than this introduction). all that being said, these are the adventures of my trip to baltimore.

first flight, 7am, haven't had a full cup of coffee yet: sat in the wrong seat; apparently, 22e looks very similar to 22a that early and caffeine-deprived in the morning. then, as the plane was taking off, i was looking out the window, watching the flappy things on the wing and i thought, i could die in a fiery plane crash. and then i thought, why does it have to be fiery? it could be just a plain ol' plane crash. or some other kind of plane incident. an explosion perhaps? but then we were back to the fiery. maybe a hit and run? but when would i be walking along a tarmac? i guess i wouldn't have to be the hit-tee, i could be in the plane that does the hit-ting, but then, how would i die in that scenario? i guess, maybe, if we hit something really big and solid. but that would just result in a crash, probably fiery, and the plane wouldn't really be able to 'run' away from it. the plane could lose power mid-air and free fall to the ground...ending in a fiery crash. the plane could lose power mid-air and fall in to a body of water, the impact killing everyone on board. but then, why would our seats serve as flotation devices if that scenario were likely? that just doesn't make sense. the flight attendants could be serving beverages and teeny-tiny bags of peanuts and i could choke on a peanut and suffocate. but i'm cpr-certified, i know how to save myself.

we started our descent into detroit as i came to the conclusion that if i am going to die in a plane-related incident, it's just going to have to be a fiery crash.

american goat society

so, so many things to write about but this had to be written about immediately. just did a google search for a company called 'ags' that sells marketing data and it's all rather boring, but one of the top hits on the google results was 'american goat society'. man i love america.

day two post-exam

well, the exam is over for now. results come in august. whichever section(s) i did not pass, i will have to take again next july. if i don't pass then, i'm out of the program. i can't really write about how i felt the exam went (other than that it was extremely painful) because we just don't know how the committee will score the exams. it's a pass-fail sitch. night before last, i had terrible anxiety dreams - why wasn't i studying? what should i be studying? what section of the exam was in the morning? - last night wasn't as bad. yesterday (day 1) i went to a few yard sales, found blake a tent shaped like a bob-the-builder bulldozer. then met sam, flav and the kids at chuck e cheese. afterward, we went to tcby where little ziva tripped on the tile, and hit her face. there was blood everywhere. coming out of her teeny tiny right nostril, out of her mouth, there were tears, blake was trying to make everything better by wiggling his fingers in her face, sam was holding her, flav was trying to wash the blood off, everytime she stepped away, i stepped in. it was a mess. today, we tried to go to the farmers market downtown but there was an art thing so we went to a much smaller farmers market - one with no cheesy bread! we met up later for lunch. so much time with the fam, i love it! so much time not studying, i love it! ziva's chipmunking now, she stores food in her mouth, won't swallow it. it's great because when you finally show her something she wants, she gives up what she's been storing. into your hand. man i love being an aunt. it's a good thing she's so darn cute.

can and parents coming to visit, work, and summer school. that's the rest of my summer. now that the exam's over, i might go see a movie. i'll definitely read a non-school book. how exciting!

interview with the big cheese (chuck e)

me: thank you for the interview sir, it's quite an honor
mr. cheese: my pleasure, my pleasure
me: so mr. cheese-
mr. cheese: please, call me chuck
me: ok chuck, thanks. so the rumor is that kids can really be, you know, kids when they're at your place
chuck: it's true; i remember when the first store opened, back in-
me: that's great chuck. from childhood, i remember your place as kind of dark, there were these big scary puppets with blinking eyes that sang every once in a while, you got tickets from playing video games and ski-ball, and there were cheap plastic prizes you could exchange those tickets for. how is it possible that a place like that has survived for over thirty years?
chuck: well, first there's our quality frozen over-priced pizza, made from the finest ingredients, as you can see from this animated poster, featuring myself. we also now give little cups to the kiddos so they can hold their tokens in them, much like adults carry around in vegas. we've opened the place up a bit by having windows installed and the puppets are still here, see? right over there? but now you can see their whole bodies so they're not quite as scary. they still move when they're not singing and their eyes stare at you incessantly, but we've had very positive responses. finally, we have a salad bar for the adults and all games are now only one token.
me: i know my niece and nephew sure love this place. we came here just yesterday and they had a blast. the frozen pizza, plastic prizes, and wierd puppets clearly appeal to them.
chuck: just wait until they get older, they'll have fond memories of my stores, just like you.
me: hmmm, yeah. ok, well, thanks again for your time, i know you're a very busy mouse.
chuck: my pleasure, my pleasure. come back anytime, and be sure to bring your niece and nephew!

t-minus thirteen hours

tomorrow's the first day of my qualifying exam
been studying for months so there's no need to cram
three sections, two days, and serious implications
lots of stress, lots of coffee, and a lack of vacations

i know lots of stuff about techniques of regression
preventing all bias has become an obsession
methods for study design and analyses
my brain is at risk of knowledge paralyses!

if y is my score, beta one is my slope,
x one is me, x two is hope
looking forward to this exam being over and done
so 'normal' can return and i can have some fun! (and start my research)

brain overload

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ten. days.

me and miley

a few weeks ago, as a friend and i were studying for finals in the library on campus, i described for her my most recent epiphany. as i've struggled through my first two semesters at uw, i kept thinking, if i can just get through this first year, i'll be able to take the qualifying exam. when i pass the quals, i can become a disertator. i already know what my research will be and, although it's not what i would really like to study, it'll get me out of here quickly. if all goes according to my schedule, i'll defend three semesters after that. after i finally have this degree, i can go back overseas, hopefully with an organization like the world health organization or unicef or the state department. ah, then i'll be back in the 'real' world.

everything was about my 'next' adventure, after i get those three coveted letters after my name. the epiphany came when i realized that everything i'm doing right now is a means to an end. multiple ends, granted, but ends, none the less. i've been so focused on the ends, i haven't been enjoying the means. i need to remember that right now is my 'right now' adventure. and yes, there will be 'next' adventures, and by no means am i saying one should not have goals and direction, but this, today, studying for exams (remember, this was during finals), going to class, not being able to pay bills, this is my current adventure. i don't want to be in india or zambia or anywhere else in a few years and only remember madison for it's cold winters. i want to remember my time in madison as a great adventure that i took on my way to the next.

my friend looked at me and said, 'you just captured a miley cyrus song perfectly.' to which i responded, 'curly-haired study-buddy say what?'* so many questions immediately came to mind. why would my friend, a fellow phd student, smart, sophisticated, not 14 years old, know a hannah montana song? it is not a hannah montana song, she said, it's miley cyrus. nope, not better. she felt it was important that i hear this song so, as all good grad students do, she googled the song on her laptop, i plugged in my headphones, and this is what i heard:

the struggles i'm facing
the chances i'm taking
sometimes might knock me down
but no, i'm not breaking

i may not know it
but these are the moments that
i'm gonna remember most, yeah
just gotta keep going

there's always gonna be another mountain
i'm always gonna wanna make it move
always gonna be an uphill battle
sometimes i'm gonna have to lose

ain't about how fast i get there
ain't about what's waiting on the other side
it's the climb

the fact that i liked the song was made only marginally better by the knowledge that hannah, i mean, miley, didn't actually write it. the music video was ridiculous - what business does a fourteen-year-old girl have thrashing about in the rain, trying to look all sexy - oh wait, that rant is for another post. everytime she sang, 'it's the climb' she would thrust her hand into the air as if reaching for something. my friend and i decided that would be my recentering gesture; anytime i feel myself focusing on the end and not appreciating the means, i'm to simply thrust my hand into the air and remember, it's the climb!

*lame attempt at hannah montana humor

the market of farmers'

it's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring in madison. no cats or dogs in sight so that's something.* i'm at my office on a sunday afternoon, 'studying,' listening to pandora radio on-line, and catching up on facebook. i need to get something out of my car but, well, it's raining. and yes, i will melt. and i'm wearing flip flops (i'm from california, it's june, duh).

qualifying exams are in thirty days and i'm pretty much a big bundle of stress. i took a break from studying yesterday and went to the farmers' market with flav, sam, and the kids. here are some of my most favorite things about the market: being with the kids, spicy cheesy bread, being near the beautiful capital building, people watching, and the music (i've got some great pictures of a blues band trio called boo bradley). here are some of my least favorite things about the market: the crowds of people that move around the square like herded cattle - oh, and yesterday, there actually was cattle there. four cows. blake petted one. continuing: that's pretty much it, the large numbers of people. i'm very happy for the madisonian farming economy, but we all know how thrilled (and not at all panic-stricken) i get when surrounded by lots and lots and lots of people. it's a good thing the spicy cheesy bread is so, so yummy.

*i've been told not everyone gets my subtle references, so for those who are confused, i am referring here to the nonsensical colloquialism, 'it's raining cats and dogs'.

World's Largest Brat Fest

it's real, i've been there. a four-day festival, celebrating bratwursts, attended by hundreds of people, right here in madison, wisconsin. and it really is the world's largest brat fest; last year, the people from the guiness book of world records came out and declared it so. i'm not sure how much competition there was, but regardless, it has been declared.

a brat is basically a large sausage and they put it on a bun. one of the sponsors of the event was the mustard museum so there were six or seven different types of mustard other than plain yellow. honey mustard, chipotle mustard, garlic horseradish mustard.....some other kinds of mustard. yummy. the event stayed pretty true to it's homage to brats, the only thing to eat other than brats were hot dogs or 'double johnnys' - two brats on a kaiser roll. there was also ice cream, funnel cakes, soda (pepsi, shudder, but i came prepared, i brought a diet coke), and beer, but nothing of sustenance. three stages, two for bands, one for local dance studios to perform. there were also brat fest t-shirts. but even if i wore printed t-shirts, the color choices were yellow, orange, and florescent green. seriously?

the cele'brat'ion started in 1983. here are some fun facts i read on the history page of the fest of brat's website (and yes, i know, i'm probably 1 of 1 people who read that page):

total brats sold since 1983: 2,634,255
total $$ raised since 1983: $855,723 (they donate procedes to local charities)

current world record stats:

lbs of brats consumed in 4 days: 208,752

lbs of brats consumed: 41,550 lbs

brats consumed, laid end-to-end: 19.77 miles

brats consumed per minute: 94.03

hot dogs consumed: 22,160

veggie brats consumed: 10,176

20 oz. sodas consumed: 53,568

onions consumed: 1,640 lbs (would be more if my mom attended this event)

mustard consumed: 176 gallons

ketchup consumed: 300 gallons

sweet relish consumed: 172 gallons

sauerkraut consumed: 3,978 lbs

will i go again? probably. i had fun and i have a new appreciation for the brat. i mean, it does have an entire fest dedicated solely to it. i was also impressed with the organization of the event. i only got overwhelmed in the condiment tent and that was just for a minute. brats, good.

there is a season...

turn, turn, turn.

winter, check. spring, check. summer, fall, check, check. yup, that's all of 'em. learned them when i was a youngin. four seasons. there's even a hotel chain named after them. i moved to wisconsin, and all of sudden, people are talking about 'tornado season'. the hotel's not called 'five seasons' people.

in southern california, we have the 'santa ana's', winds that blow lots of miles per hour (couldn't find the actual number - i thought the google knew everything?), stir things up, and help spread fires. we don't call it a 'season', however. 'the santa ana wind season' - that's just silly.

but we're not in southern california anymore toto, i'm in wisconsin where they create new seasons that have nothing to do with the solstice or equinox phenomenon. safety tips for surviving a tornado include: lay under a matress, get away from windows (duh), and if you have a mobile home, get out! brings up fond memories of earthquake drills in elementary school - we'd all huddle under our desks, had to bring a packet of food to class at the beginning of each school year just in case 'the big one' occurred while we were at school. can you imagine being the teacher stuck in a classroom with 30 nine-year-olds after a devastating earthquake who all brought disgusting canned food like vienna sausages. no thank you. i'd probably start teaching the kids about new seasons, like 'earthquake season'.

and so, i say to those of you who are trying to add seasons to our well-established four, please stop, you're confusing the children. and the emigrants from los angeles.

just say...it depends on the drug

see what i did there with the title? instead of 'just say no', a phrase we are all familiar with, i replaced 'no' with 'it depends on the drug'. i also thought of titling this one, 'what's in a drug?', a play on 'what's in a name', but - oh, you saw? well, here's my current rant:

there's this poster in a cubicle at work that i have to pass on my way to my cubicle and i've trained my eyes to look anywhere but at this this poster. every once in while, however, i accidentally catch a glimpse of this poster, and its message, ugh, makes me cringe. and want to rip it off the wall. 'a drug-free world. we can do it' - that's the message on the poster. my question is: do we want to do it?

this is not a drug-war rant, i promise. but i do want to meet the creator of this poster and say, really poster-man? really? do you know what a drug is?

personally, i think they should put prozac in the water supply. anti-depressants are god's gift to us all. as well as aspirin, penicillin, and, of course, caffeine. oh caffeine, you deserve an ode, you do not deserve to be threatened with extinction by a well-meaning but monumentally stupid campaign.

and so i'll close this post with one final thought: just say...it depends on the drug. (see what i did there? bringing it around, full circle - oh, you saw.)